Camp Guilt

Summer camps are one of the rites of childhood passage. As kids, we used to see them as opportunities to get away from our parents, to experience a little freedom and to make connections with new and old friends. As parents, we don’t have quite the same reaction. That’s because instead of dreaming of the grand experiences our children will have during their week spent at the lake, we’re feeling every emotion possible: anxiety (that they might get hurt), joy (that we’re finally free), and that all-too-pervasive parental emotion, guilt (for feeling that joy).

Guilt is one of those emotions few of us can really remember our own parents experiencing when it came to our childhood adventures. Twenty, thirty, and forty years ago, it was just par for the course that children would run around and play outside for hours at a time. We didn’t have to check in with cell phones. Sometimes, we didn’t have to check in at all.

Today’s parent is a little different. With all of our concerns about safety and child predators, we’ve shortened the leash on our kids, so to speak, and they’re not the only ones feeling the strain. For every tug your child makes for independence (a natural part of growing up), you have to pull twice as hard to keep them in place. And it can get exhausting.

It can also be damaging. A phenomenon known as the Peter Pan Syndrome is more prevalent today than ever before. Peter Pan Syndrome (which is not an ?official? disorder; it’s more of a cultural paradigm) is defined as the inability for adults to make their own decisions and get beyond the insecurities of adolescence. It’s believed to result from an overprotective childhood in which kids were not allowed the freedom to choose between right and wrong on their own. According to some more staunch believers, it can even result from simply hovering too closely at the playground.

Guilt is Counterproductive

Summer camp has the advantage of walking the fine line between being a safe haven for kids and an exploration of individuality, a sort of Never-Neverland to keep the Peter Pan Syndrome at bay. Because so many of us harbor fond feelings of those days spent tying knots and making candles, most of us consider camp a pretty safe place to be. After all, there are counselors, there are rules, and there are life jackets.

But for some reason, it can still be difficult to turn the guilt off, especially when you realize that you’re more excited about that month-long day camp than Junior. Are you being lax in parenting duties by not being on hand 24-7? Are you putting your child in danger for your own selfish desire not to have to attend to your child at all hours of the day?

These feelings of guilt, while natural, aren’t doing you any favors. Guilt, even in its mildest forms, consumes. It creeps into all the corners of your mind and your heart and makes you feel like you’ve done something horribly wrong.

Forgetting for the moment that summer camp is hardly the stuff of Joan Crawford ala?Mommie Dearest, parents need to realize that feeling guilty about sending the kids off to camp isn’t going to fix anything. After all, feeling guilty and regretting your desire to get away from your kids isn’t going to get you any closer to your child’s activities; in fact, it takes you further away, since instead of enjoying the time you have to yourself, you’re simply thinking about your kids.

There’s also the small matter of your children to contend with. Even those of you who look forward to summer camp with all-consuming glee (gasp!) are good parents. You want what’s best for them, and that’s admirable. But if you allow yourself to feel guilty, you’re no longer doing what’s best.

Think about it: Just because your reasons for sending your kids off to summer camp might be selfish doesn’t mean that they see it that way. Your kids are likely to either view camp as a treat, or as just another part of life (like going to school or brushing their teeth). Feeling guilty ? and letting your kids sense that guilt ? is only going to taint their experience.

The only way around this is to just chuck the guilt out the window and enjoy yourself. As much as you’d like to be the perfect parent, attending each activity and giving 100 percent of your attention every day, part of being a good parent also means being a happy and healthy one. Taking time for yourself without regrets is a big part of that. Summer is almost here, and your kids are probably pretty excited about getting out and doing a little exploration of their own.

It’s okay. You’re allowed to be excited about it, too.