1. “As soon as you pay for one.”
2. ” As soon as you come over at 3 am every night to play “hide and seek” and “I am thirsty” with my now 2 kids.
3. “As soon as my first one can make herself and me a decent sandwich.”
4. “As soon as I decide that “ME” time is just not for me.”
5. “As soon as I block out that tiny thing called “labor” out of my forever traumatized head”.
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1. They slept a lot and late. I would get to wake THEM up and then relax on the bed for hours of parenting bliss.
2. They slept in their cribs OF COURSE. Where else?
3. They cooed.
4. They had teeth from the second they came out.
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1. “I am tired.”
2. “I was bored all weekend. Nothing to do.”
3. “I know how you feel. My dog is a bad sleeper too.”
4. “I like the natural look you’ve been sporting lately!”
5. “You know what you should do…”
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1. If you let your son live with you until he is 60, he will never get laid. (”Cheers”)
2. Don’t treat your husband as an annoying extra child. (”Everyone loves Raymond”)
3. Your kids will stick by you even If you live in the woods with no electricity and flush your toilet once a week. (”Wife Swap”)
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Due to the SURPRISE! we received recently when we found out we were unexpectedly going to be parents for the third time, I compiled this list. I need to alright. I’m sicker than the last two and I was just fitting into my old clothes again from the second kid. Nards!
So here we go- Top Ten Reasons it’s Good to be Pregnant-Again!
1. New baby gear. Because I got rid of it all just six months ago when I thought we were done.
2. Shopping! Even if it’s for maternity clothes.
3. I get to eat as many bagels as I want and I don’t care. Seriously. I am going through them like their candy. I should buy stock in cream cheese while I’m at it.
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1. The “Dog Whisperer” should be referenced often, especially the part about being the “pack leader” and in CHARGE.
2. Keep things educational. Instead of saying “Don’t lick the door”, say “Don’t lick that RED door that is shaped like a RECTANGLE”.
3. Don’t worry about milestones. Very few adults still wear pampers and suck their thumbs.
4. Leave negotiating for the movies with bad plots. To get results, see #1.
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1. It’s 1pm on a Saturday and you are bored out of your mind.
2. You stay home on St. Patrick’s day because of “all the drunks out there”.
3. Sleep is not that important to you.
4. You rather put money in the savings then blow it on a pair of shoes.
5. You sanitize your hands.
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My morning started by waking up to a funny smell and a “pleasant” discovery of dog diarrhea dragged all over my house by a crazy and senile Cocker Spaniel’s paws. Beating the clock, half naked and blind without contacts, I proceeded to step in some of it and then had to neurotically clean everything in sight. Just before I contemplated setting my house on fire, my daughter woke up in the mood to match the diarrhea in the plastic, tied up bag. She also felt the need to announce it to the entire block with screams that can only be described as “heart wrenching”. Dishes, breakfast, finding matching socks, 35 teary “Goodbyes” at the door, husband with the “burning eyes and throat”…and I am off to work.
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My husband and I loved to travel before we had children and made a conscious decision to not let having babies get in our way. Now that my two boys are out of their baby stage, I can look back fondly on the “challenges” that I endured. My first trip from New York to Los Angeles with my 3-month old was memorable to say the least, but I pressed onward. I was brazen with my choices. Before my oldest was 2 years old he had already been to 10 different states including Alaska. Although I enjoyed having my family by my side, traveling with a baby tested my patience. Yet the more places we visited the more I learned to adjust the way I travel. These top ten tips are what I’ve learned, but not always followed, during my travels with my babies (who sadly aren’t babies anymore).
10. Buy seeds. In a few short weeks I will be able to grow all the string beans and corn I want. OK, so I had to move the table out of the dining room to make room for my new garden in the house but it will be worth it.
9. Stock up on nonperishable foods. I’ve gone to Costco and stocked up on giant 160 oz. cans of potatoes and 100 lb. bags of rice. This must have saved me $0.03/ lb.
8. Build a windmill for the backyard. The kids don’t need that swing set anymore anyway.
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