Things That Are Wrong With This Picture
honestbaby Top 10's
Things I Don’t Quite Understand About Parenting
1. What does my kid find sooo entertaining about 3am?
2. How can a hot dog on kid’s menu cost $9?
3. What is so brilliant about $900 Bugaboo stroller?
4. What’s with those flower hair-bands that they put on infants?
5. Why do after-school programs end at 5pm, when we all work until at least 5:30?
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Ways to Recognize the Worst Tantrum of Your Life
1. You attempt to pad the “tantrum space” psychiatric asylum style.
2. You want to scratch that stranger’s face who in a fake concerned voice asks “What is wrong with her?”
3. You want to double scratch the face of that flat stomached, freshly out of the spa, 20 something bitch that rolls her eyes.
4. You mentally go through “selling your child on the black market” option.
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Tips To Be An Eco-Friendly Family
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Earth Day marks the one time each year when attention focuses on the home that we all share and we take some time to reflect on the manner in which we have kept house. We also take note of what we’re doing wrong and how we can do it better. It is also a great day for families to consider the responsibilities they are willing to take on to improve the environment and prove just how eco-friendly they can be.
Things I Hate Hearing Mothers Say To Me at The Playground
1. “I wish I was as carefree as you. I am so obsessed with always watching my kid.”
2. “We don’t have a TV!”
3. “Her hair will grow…I think…eventually.”
4. “I don’t have to ever work” then 2 minutes later…
5. “Where is that nanny?”
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Replies to Those Who Ask “When Are You Having Another One?”
1. “As soon as you pay for one.”
2. ” As soon as you come over at 3 am every night to play “hide and seek” and “I am thirsty” with my now 2 kids.
3. “As soon as my first one can make herself and me a decent sandwich.”
4. “As soon as I decide that “ME” time is just not for me.”
5. “As soon as I block out that tiny thing called “labor” out of my forever traumatized head”.
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Things I Thought About Kids Before I Became a Parent
1. They slept a lot and late. I would get to wake THEM up and then relax on the bed for hours of parenting bliss.
2. They slept in their cribs OF COURSE. Where else?
3. They cooed.
4. They had teeth from the second they came out.
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Things That Non-Parents Should Never Tell Parents
1. “I am tired.”
2. “I was bored all weekend. Nothing to do.”
3. “I know how you feel. My dog is a bad sleeper too.”
4. “I like the natural look you’ve been sporting lately!”
5. “You know what you should do…”
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Things I Learned About Parenting While Watching TV
1. If you let your son live with you until he is 60, he will never get laid. (”Cheers”)
2. Don’t treat your husband as an annoying extra child. (”Everyone loves Raymond”)
3. Your kids will stick by you even If you live in the woods with no electricity and flush your toilet once a week. (”Wife Swap”)
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Top Ten Reasons it’s Good to be Pregnant- Again
Due to the SURPRISE! we received recently when we found out we were unexpectedly going to be parents for the third time, I compiled this list. I need to alright. I’m sicker than the last two and I was just fitting into my old clothes again from the second kid. Nards!
So here we go- Top Ten Reasons it’s Good to be Pregnant-Again!
1. New baby gear. Because I got rid of it all just six months ago when I thought we were done.
2. Shopping! Even if it’s for maternity clothes.
3. I get to eat as many bagels as I want and I don’t care. Seriously. I am going through them like their candy. I should buy stock in cream cheese while I’m at it.
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