Outnumbered
Posted by: , January 5, 2010 in 10:25 pm
“It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.” – W.T. Ellis
“Cook a Glazed Ham on Christmas for a friend and you will never again, walk life’s path alone. You also get to eat the ham.” – Out-Numbered
Growing up, most of my close friends were Christians. When I was a kid, that simply meant that I celebrated Hanukkah and they celebrated Christmas. It was pretty simple. As a young child, I clearly remember being jealous of my friends come Christmas time.
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Posted by: , December 28, 2009 in 10:45 pm
I promised myself that before the year came to a close, I would take pause and reflect on what has been a grueling but truly gratifying year for me personally. Like everyone else, my family has had to find ways to make do with a bit less this year. My business has successfully weathered what some have considered to be the perfect, economic storm. I am beyond thankful to all of the people that have surrounded me, both personally and professionally. I couldn’t ask for a finer group of friends. I consider myself blessed.
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Posted by: , December 19, 2009 in 11:23 am
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a dilemma on our hands and something must be done.
Last week after school.
3 Year Old – “Daddy, am I a nice girl?”
Out-Numbered – “Of course baby. You are the nicest little girl I know.”
3 Year Old – “I’m not naughty?”
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Posted by: , December 10, 2009 in 4:20 pm
Today is my Birthday. I am 39 years old. My head is too big to wear those stupid party hats. The rubber band always snaps. I can’t eat my own fucking ice cream cake because I’m lactose intolerant. If I get one more #1 Dad coffee mug, I’m gonna smash it into my own skull. Don’t sing Happy Birthday to me. That song sucks ass. Save it. 39 x 2 = 78 It doesn’t take a mathematician to figure out that I’m almost dead.
Birthday sex. That’s good.
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Posted by: , December 9, 2009 in 1:38 am
Fact:
A child laughs up to 300 times a day. Compared to an adult, who laughs only 10-15 times a day on average.
Assuming this statistic is correct, I would probably categorize this as the saddest thing I have ever heard.
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Posted by: , November 18, 2009 in 5:56 pm
1. My Wife
2. My Kids
3. My Mom
4. My Grandma
5. My Dad and Step-Mom
6. My In-Laws
7. My Brother and his family
8. My Sister
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Posted by: , November 13, 2009 in 1:21 pm
So my daughter is in the 2nd grade and one of the things they do in her class is called Snack-Story Time. Parents are supposed to pick a story, a snack and a day to come to the class to read that story and then administer the snack to the children. The hook is that if possible, you should pick a story that will tie into the snack of choice, as to make it more of an interactive experience. Sounds like fun! I obviously love stories and judging by the red indentations from my skin tight jeans, where my waistline used to be, I love snacks as well.
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Posted by: honestbaby, November 11, 2009 in 12:19 pm
Driving in the car with my two daughters. My wife is at the Salon, again. We are on a mission. French Toast and Bacon at the Diner.
I have Black Sabbath playing in the CD player. I love Black Sabbath but it is obvious that my daughters do not share this passion with their Father.
Out-Numbered (Singing in Ozzy Falsetto)- “Nobody will ever let you know. When you ask the reasons why”
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Posted by: Jason Mayo, November 4, 2009 in 10:08 am
5:45AM
The Dream Machine chirps like a retarded bird. It annoys the living shit out of me. I want to beat the snot from its 25-year-old circuitry. I want to Jean-Claude Van Damme its Faux wood paneling and make it cry mercy but I refrain. Thanks for simply doing your job old friend. I appreciate you.
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Posted by: , November 3, 2009 in 1:29 pm
“It’s easier to cry in the dark. No one sees you in the dark. Crying always reminds me that I still have feelings. They are just hiding in places that you can’t see. They only come out in the dark.”
Me – November 1, 2009
After her Soccer game, I took my daughter to see Spike Jonze’s re-imagining of Where The Wild Things Are. We asked my Mother to join us. I’m not very familiar with the book. I’m sure I’ve read it but for some reason, it never stuck with me. My parents separated when I was 7. They got divorced when I was 9. I was in the third grade. I don’t remember much of anything before that year. Like none of it ever happened. I never thought that was a big deal. Now that I have two daughters of my own, I realize how big of a deal it was. It would crush my heart to think that my daughters wouldn’t remember when they were 7. Especially if they didn’t want to remember… Like me.
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