Sex in Church
Today I withered in embarrassment when my 21 month old daughter yelled her favorite number repeatedly as the priest walked up the aisle to start the church service today. The number is 6, but she pronounces it more like sEx.
Story Time
Encouraging Your Child to Lie
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I was trying to get my two kids into a movie theater, and realized that my daughter who had just turned 3 years old would be charged. So I told her to say that she was 2 years old. Every dollar counts you know and it was just a few days difference. This really caused an issue for my very proud daughter and a terrible embarrassment for me as we walked away from the box office with her screaming “I am not two. I am three. I am a big girl now!” Ugh. I will never ask my child to lie again…it was not worth the money saved… lesson learned!
If you want something done right
My husband works all kinds of hours. Most nights, I am alone with the kids from 5pm to 3am. So I get to do bedtime alone, A LOT. Which isn’t fun. Tonight, I thought I’d gotten off lucky, because my husband was home at 8. I needed to run to the store to pick up a few essentials, and I didn’t want to wait until the kids fell asleep, because I was already tired from chasing them around the park all afternoon. I’d most likely be back before the kiddos went to sleep anyway.
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Baby Powder Everywhere
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Last week I had just finished giving my boys a bath (3 yrs old and 1 year old). They were both naked, wrapped in their towels waiting for me to help them into their PJs. I got a phone call from my husband and got distracted. It was only 5 minutes but when I walked back into their room, my 3 year old son was pouring a whole container of baby powder on his little brother’s butt as he lied patiently on
Putting Yourself First
I was in the bath with my 6 year old daughter last night. After I was done washing and conditioning her hair, I got out to get a hairbrush to comb out the tangles for her. As I was naked, cold and wet, I went to put on a robe before I came back to her. She said to me, “You always put yourself first.” I can’t be sure because it all happened so fast, but I think my head spun around three times. After seeing and hearing my reaction, I am not sure she has ever regretted a comment so much in her life.
Not Buckled In!
Being a Mom of a four monther means I have less stories, but to me they seem more traumatizing. So on Halloween, we brought my daughter to the Mall of America. We were using her travel system with the carseat attached to the stroller. We were there all day, so inevitably she got fussy a few times and we deemed it safe for her to lay in the reclined car seat without her seatbelt so that it was easier to pick her up. When we got tired, we proceeded to go home. Halfway home, we realized that she was STILL NOT BUCKLED! I felt horrible! I cried as I buckled her in, driving down a busy highway…we’re all fine, thankfully. And I’ve been assured I’m not the only one.
Come Arrest Me!
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I pull up to the cleaners in my town and see that my 2 year old is sound asleep in the back. There is no way that I’m waking him up from the nap that will guarantee me two hours of peace. The store is inches from my car. I do the unthinkable. I leave him in his car seat for five minutes while I run in. As I hand off my pile of dry cleaning, I watch constantly to make sure that, no one is trying to break in and steal my child. Or more importantly that he doesn’t wake up and start screaming his head off, alerting a nearby officer of my indiscretion. I do my errand without a hitch and get back into the car. My son still sleeps soundly, apparently unaware his mother abandoned him.
Skip the Bedtime Ritual, It’s Movie Night!
What a great invention movie night is! A night where I put the kids in their pajamas. No bath of course. And we all get under my covers to watch a movie. Inevitably they fall asleep and are easily transported to their own beds. No bedtime stories. No getting up 5 times to retrieve water, make the light brighter, shut the closet door, etc. No complaints of going to bed. They usually bound up the stairs to put on their pj’s. They each get a sippy cup of milk and we’re good to go. I even blow off brushing their teeth afterward. Can’t be bothered on movie night! I get to read my book next to them so I’m not forced to watch some inane cartoon. And sometimes I drift off to sleep without cleaning the kitchen. My DH can deal with that. It’s movie night! Actually, to be fair, the best part of movie night is cuddling with two warm little bodies that have finally mellowed out for the day.
A Rough Morning
The other day it was about 6:30 AM and the two boys were watching television on my bed while I got ready in the bathroom. I heard some giggling but figured they were laughing at the show they were watching. When I came out, I discovered that my oldest (4) had helped my younger one (2) off with his sleepy pajamas and diaper. With his new found freedom, my toddler left 6 perfect little dollops of poop in various spots of my bedroom floor. Quite an artist. I was livid. As I yelled, I attempted to clean up the disaster, using lots of toilet paper and depositing it in my toilet bowl. I guess I must have stopped up the toilet because while I was washing the little one off in his room, I heard my older son go to the bathroom and flush my toilet. About 5 minutes later I heard rushing water and realized that the toilet had MAJORLY overflowed. So much so that it was coming down through the floor below to the kitchen. I ran down to the kitchen and discovered a waterfall in the middle of my kitchen ceiling. I finally got things under control. It took hours to clean up and had to call a repair guy to deal with the ceiling. That night when I was getting into bed I reached down for the notebook that I keep by my bed for to-do lists. I picked it up to discover another little dollop of poop that I had missed. It had now hardened and I had to throw out my notebook.
Toddler Lunch Fiasco
I took my 2 year old son to a diner with three of my friends and each of their 2 year olds and it was a disaster. We hadn’t all gone to lunch in awhile. It seemed like a good idea. We had come prepared. We had crayons, markers, cars, and trains. We put them into their high chairs, gave them their toys and tried to start a conversation. My son wanted the train that the other boy had and the other boy wanted the train that another girl had. This involved much screaming, crying and eventually a train being thrown (at my son’s head).
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