Got Guilt?

It begins the moment the little pink line appears on the pregnancy test. An overwhelming mixture of emotions comprised mainly of sheer, unadulterated fear. However, somewhere in this sea of feelings you notice something new and unfamiliar. It starts as a twinge and continues to grow throughout your pregnancy. By the time baby arrives, you are consumed by it. What is it, ladies? GUILT!

You berate yourself for caving in and having sushi while pregnant. You’re convinced that your child will be forever limited because you did not spend enough time playing classical music while he was still in utero. Once baby arrives, the guilt becomes almost unbearable as you lie awake at night fearing that you have let him watch too much Barney and fed him french-fries and pizza twice in one week!

Sort of like the toy in the kid’s meal, Guilt is an added bonus that comes with parenting.   As your kids get older, their radar for guilty moments becomes increasingly refined and all of a sudden, you find yourself in tears because they sold out of the Spider Man lunch box that your son had is heart set on.    But we can’t blame it all on the kids.  We are our own worst enemy as we constantly compare ourselves with other.   The truth is, there always exists that well-prepared parent who has band-aids, bug spray, nail clippers, lip balm, and extra goodies in a well stocked cooler (in case YOU forgot it was your turn to bring snacks for baseball practice). 

What’s really frustrating is that Dads are seemingly immune from this affliction.   Dads feel no remorse for watching four hours of ESPN while you are gluing cotton balls on poster board for a history project.  Maybe the Guilt gene only ignites as a condition of pregnancy and men are spared from this along with weight gain, morning sickness and swollen ankles.  How is this fair?

You, in the other hand, lie awake at night thinking about the thank-you notes you haven’t written and worrying about the C- your child received on his spelling test.  You pray that your husband isn’t feeling frisky so that you don’t have to feel guilty about lying about the proverbial headache. 

The best way I have found to limit the symptoms of guilt is to stop for a moment and make a plan.  That small voice that is nagging you at night is encouraging you to take action.  Set goals for yourself and engage. Write the notes, schedule the study time, and plan a date-night with your husband.  Use a calendar to keep you on track and reward yourself with a pedicure when you’ve made progress.  I promise, there is immediate relief from the guilt once action is taken!

When it comes down to it, guilt is relatively useless.  It bogs us down, and can inhibit real action, and real results.  Try and take the time to address the issues that are causing these emotions and remember, cut yourself a little slack.  You’re probably not going to make the homemade Halloween costume this year and chances are you will forget Teacher Appreciation Week - again.  Hold onto to the fact that you love your kids and are doing the best you can.    And remember, when the guilt trip train leaves, don’t get on it!