Drop Your Pencil and Move Away from the Homework!
If you truly want your child to love learning and to be successful in life, then let school be his job.
Imagine this: you come home after a long day at work and your husband yells, “YOUR BOSS CALLED TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED THAT PROJECT YET!!! I AM GOING TO SIT OVER YOU EVERY NIGHT UNTIL YOU GET IT DONE! AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT YOUR TENNIS GAME THIS WEEKEND!”
How would you feel about your spouse? Your boss? Your job? Would you want to go back to work the next morning?
A kid feels the same way when his parents nag him and fight with him about his homework. He may begin to dislike his parents, his teacher, his school and his work. The natural love of learning that came packed inside of him when he was born disappears.
FLUNKING OUT
Forcing a child to do his work also prevents him from getting used to taking the responsibility for his homework on his shoulders. In fact, I know three young people who were consistently top students in school until they went away to college. One student even had a full 4-year merit scholarship. All three flunked out by the end of freshman year because their parents did not accompany them to college. They had never learned how to do their work on their own.
THEN SHOULD YOU JUST NEGLECT YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION?
If you are supposed to let school be your child’s job, do you get to retire from being involved in his education?
Sorry, you can’t get off the hook that easily.
Your role is twofold: setting the stage for learning and acting as a learning consultant.
SET THE STAGE FOR LEARNING BY:
- reading to and with your child.
- taking your child to libraries, parks, museums and historical sites.
- limiting television and video game time.
- including your child in household chores such as cooking, laundry, gardening and washing dishes. Many of these activities teach science and math while instilling independence and responsibility.
- showing that you love to learn through some of the activities that you choose to do.
- discussing such things as family stories, baseball scores, the changing leaves and current events.
- attending school functions and doing volunteer work for your child’s school. This can help your child value his school and respect his teacher.
- setting up a good place for your child to do his work.
- providing your child with the supplies he needs.
- putting aside an “official” block of time each afternoon or evening for homework.
- During this time the television is off and the phone goes unanswered.
LEARNING CONSULTANT
Your job during the block of homework time is to serve as a learning consultant, available for specific requests ONLY. If your child asks, you can test him on his spelling words, help him work through a difficult arithmetic problem or explain some complicated directions. Otherwise, keep yourself busy making dinner, balancing your checkbook, reading the newspaper, etc.
WHO’S THE BOSS?
So, you have set the stage and offered your services as a learning consultant. What if your child is still not doing his homework? Is it time to hover over him and yell at him?
No.
Let’s face it. Your own boss wouldn’t really tattle to your husband if you missed a deadline. Instead, she might tell you to skip lunch, stay late or work the weekend in order to complete your project.
Similarly, since school is your child’s job, his teacher is his boss. Therefore, it is the teacher’s responsibility to show your child that there are logical consequences for not completing his work, such as:
- missing recess or another school activity in order to finish his homework.
- sitting outside next to the school building while doing his homework during recess.
- staying after school to complete his work.
- finishing his work in the classroom of the grade below his. That way he can meet his possible new classmates for the coming year.
- attending summer school
YOU CAN BRING A HORSE TO WATER BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE HIM DRINK
When my older son was in elementary school, he rarely used the desk in his room to do homework, preferring the kitchen table or the living room floor. And he often frittered away the block of homework time by playing, doodling or talking to his little brother. When he finally got down to work, the homework time was over and I was no longer available as a consultant. He was on his own.
The temptation to nag my son was fierce, but I did not say a word. I knew that his teacher/boss would give him a consequence at school if he came in unprepared.
He completed his PhD. last May.
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