My 6-month-old has never slept through the night!
Dear Mrs Pickle,
Please help!! I am a single mom with a six month-old baby who has never slept through the night. He sometimes needs to be rocked to sleep and sometimes he doesn’t. It is harder for him to sleep during the day. Sometimes he naps 20 minutes and sometimes he naps for 2 hours at different times throughout the day. Could you please give me a good routine for both day and night that does not involve a daily bath? He is on solids and will only take his bottle at night (he does not fall asleep on the bottle).
Paula
Dear Paula,
At six months old, your baby should be on a pretty established nap schedule. Putting your baby in for naps at different times of day can be a cause for sleep issues. Be sure his naps are at the same time each day (within reason, of course). At this age, he should be taking his first nap anywhere between 8 and 8:30 AM. His second should occur at around 12:00 to 12:30. Watch him very closely to determine the best nap times for him. You want to catch him just when he is becoming tired, but not overtired where it will become difficult for him to fall asleep. As I’m sure you know, an overtired baby will come across as agitated, hyper, and will usually end up in a crying fit. It is very difficult for babies to calm themselves down and go to sleep when they get to this state. You want to take a few days to observe your child and discover what his “tired signs” are. They can be very subtle. For example, my 10 month old daughter would simply start to loose a little focus in her eyes and turn her head. That’s it! However, we noticed that this always came right before she needed to sleep. It is a delicate balancing act to get to a good nap schedule but not let your child become overtired. In your current situation, it sounds like your baby is extremely overtired and needs a lot of catching up. You should begin by putting him to bed at night at an ULTRA early hour for a while so he can catch up. This means a 5:00 bedtime, 1st nap before he gets overtired but try to get his close to the 8:00 hour, 2nd nap again before he gets overtired, but try to get him to the 12:00 hour, and a third variable nap in the afternoon at around 3:00 only for a half hour or so. In addition, make sure his naps are somewhere quiet, semi-dark, and without motion, except for the third nap. This means no strollers or car rides for naps 1 and 2. Also, it is important for him to understand the difference between night and day sleep. Develop a nighttime routine and stick to it. You do not have to include a bath in this routine, simply change him, put him in a sleep sack (a safe wearable blanket you can buy at any baby store) only at night, and giving him his last bottle in a dark, quiet room. Do not go to him if he cries unless you truly believe he is hungry. At this age, many babies can make it through the night without a feeding, but if you must go to him, only go once, and do not talk, change his diaper unless it’s a poop (just put lots of diaper cream on him), and do not look in his eyes. This can be hard, but he needs to understand that nighttime is NEVER playtime. I wish you all the best, and I hope you will let us know how this works for you.
Best of luck,
Mrs. Pickel
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Hi Mrs. Pickle,
Our 12 week-old boy, sleeps regularly throughout the day, having 1/2 hour naps about 3 or 4 times day. The problem that we are experiencing over the last week (since he has started to sleep through from about 10pm thru to 6am), is that he has now become really difficult to get to sleep in the evenings.
We have an established routine, which starts at 7pm:
7pm Bath time with mom
7.30 get dressed for sleep
8.00 Bottle feed (6-7oz) (he always winds & burps well after the feed.
8.30 Cuddles & rock baby
It’s at this point that he screams and kicks, really fights and refuses to sleep, we try and calm him but he cries for about 1 – 1.5 hrs and eventually goes off to sleep at about 10pm (sometimes with the aid of a ‘dummy or soother’).
Can you help, should we change our routine, make it later or something else?
Rick & Faye
Dear Rick and Faye,
First, I am wondering where his mini-naps are being taken. Is he in a quiet, semi-dark, motionless environment? This is very important, as movement, noise, and light will now effect your baby’s sleeping, even though he may have seemed to be able to sleep through it before. It is at this age that his sleep is becoming more like our sleep patterns, and he does not immediately fall into a very deep sleep right away, rather he starts off with a light sleep, then a deep sleep, and then back to a light sleep before awakening, just like we do. Try putting him in a quiet, semi-dark, motionless environment after no more than one hour of wakefulness and leaving him there even if he awakens after a 1/2 hour. Be sure to look for his tired signs during the day and get him in for a nap BEFORE you see him become overtired. This is extremely important. And remember, a nap that is less than one hour doesn’t really count as being restorative. If he wakes after a 1/2 hour, leave him to try and fall back asleep until he has slept for a continuous hour at each nap. This may mean leaving him awake in his bed at naptime for up to an hour. At bedtime, he should be left to fall asleep indefinitely. If you go to him during his protest crying at bedtime, he will only learn that he simply needs to cry until the designated time that you will come to get him. Be sure, however, that after he is sleeping and wakes during the night to go to him and feed him if you feel he is hungry. Do not play with him during nighttime feedings, however, or even make eye contact. You need to be all business in the middle of the night.
Once his naps are better, he will become better rested and not so overtired by bedtime, which should occur much earlier than 8:30. Since he is overtired, begin your bedtime routine at an ultra-early hour (4:30) and put him to sleep for the night by as early as 5:00 if you can. His screaming, kicking, and refusing to sleep is a textbook example of an overtired baby. Once he gets his sleep back, you’ll be able to move the bedtime a little later, but absolutely before 6:00 for a baby of this age. When his naps are established he should have no problems going to sleep at night. Remember, this may require letting him cry a bit in the beginning, but it is important that you realize this is a protest cry, not a sad or hurt cry. He must learn to sooth himself to sleep, which can be hard for parents to understand, but it will be one of the best things you can ever teach him.
Best of luck!
Mrs. Pickel
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Dear Mrs. Pickle,
I have a 10 month-old son. We just recently moved from a one bedroom to a two bedroom and my son won’t stay in his own bed anymore. To make matters worse he went on vacation with my mother where he slept with her each night they were away. Now he only wants to sleep with us. I tried the “cry it out” method but he cried for an hour and I just couldn’t take it anymore. When he does fall asleep I take him to his bed and no more then 20 minutes later he is up again and crying hysterically. He doesn’t sleep at night and doesn’t sleep sufficiently during the day. I’d say he has maybe 8 hours of sleep a day and I know that he requires more. Sometimes even when he is in bed with us he cries for what seems to be no reason. I tried baby Orajel for his teething, I’ve tried feeding him, giving him Mylacon in case its gas and yet nothing works. I have read many magazines and I’ve spoken to his doctor for suggestions and still no solution. Is there any thing I can do?
Pebblezz
Dear Pebblezz,
It is true that a 10-month old baby may be teething, but this should not really affect his sleep at night to the extent you are describing, nor should gas. He has gotten used to sleeping with you and if you are uncomfortable with this and want him to sleep on his own, it is a habit you should try to break as soon as possible. Be sure to give him his naps during the day at age-appropriate times. For him, around 9:00 AM and 1:00 PM are good nap times, but check to see that he is not becoming overtired. If you see he is showing tired signs, get him into a quiet, semi-dark, motionless environment where he can take a nap for at least a solid hour. Having good naps will allow him to be better rested for bedtime, which should also occur before he is overtired. It is important to allow him to learn to fall asleep on his own, and this may entail some crying, it is true. However, crying should be minimal if he is well rested by bedtime and goes in at an early hour. A well-rested 10-month old should be able to break the habit of sleeping with his parents rather quickly. Be sure to be firm but loving and make a quick exit when you put him to sleep. Try and do his soothing in his room and transfer him to his bed while he is drowsy but awake. It is very difficult to listen to your baby cry, but in this instance it is for his own good to allow him to cry until he falls asleep if necessary. If you go to him, he will simply learn that he must continue crying until you come get him and then he will get to go into your room with you. This is one of many more tough life lessons to come, and possibly the hardest one for parents to endure. However, along the same lines of not allowing him to play with something dangerous, no matter how hard he cries for it, you must be the one to make decisions about what is best for him and enforce them without giving in to his protest crying. It is not only a tough lesson for your son, but also for you as a mother, one that I myself was forced to learn with my second daughter. I know how hard this will be for you, but it is important your son learns to fall asleep on his own early on if you have decided against the family bed.
Best of luck!
Mrs. Pickel
