Things I Dream About
My morning started by waking up to a funny smell and a “pleasant” discovery of dog diarrhea dragged all over my house by a crazy and senile Cocker Spaniel’s paws. Beating the clock, half naked and blind without contacts, I proceeded to step in some of it and then had to neurotically clean everything in sight. Just before I contemplated setting my house on fire, my daughter woke up in the mood to match the diarrhea in the plastic, tied up bag. She also felt the need to announce it to the entire block with screams that can only be described as “heart wrenching”. Dishes, breakfast, finding matching socks, 35 teary “Goodbyes” at the door, husband with the “burning eyes and throat”…and I am off to work. Finally on the subway…15 minutes late, but I got a seat! Then I realized that the sticky wet mass on it was exactly the reason WHY it was empty in the first place. At 9:52am, slid past my boss 20 minutes late…I spent the rest of the day daydreaming about the following:
1. Once a month dropping my daughter off with “Mary Poppins like” relative and then picking her up at noon the next day. Sleeping in past 8am.
2. In the morning, leisurely having my coffee in a sitting down position instead of standing and constantly holding it above my head while being attacked by a cute toddler monster.
3. Getting my haircut, feet massaged, gray roots colored…and any other service that makes me feel somewhat like a woman.
4. Watching something that doesn’t teach me how to count.
5. Just once making it to work on time.
6. Having crisp clean sheets like people in “my kid is jumping on our bed while I am making pancakes in silk PJs” commercials. You know the ones without baby fluids and diaper cream stains.
7. After getting those magical sheets, creating “closed bedroom door policy” forever.
8. Having a cleaning lady who will also cook for us just for fun.
9. Getting my sticking out stomach to switch places with my completely flat boobs.
10. And of course…world peace.
