Things I Learned About Baby Sleep Training
This list is inspired by seeing the light (3 nights of sleeping straight through) and then having that light cruelly taken away from us (last 3 nights awake 2-3 times a night). I apologize if I sound a little hopeless, angry and sad, but after 13 months, reading every book on the market, having an amazing routine and trying CIO in a New York apartment the size of a shoe box…me and my husband thought things would be a little different.
So, what did I learn about baby/toddler sleep and sleep training?
1. It’s an oxymoron.
2. Every sleep method I read has small print saying “This might not work if your child is teething, going through a milestone or any additional change”. You mean like every day until they are 18?
2 1/2. “If your child vomits from crying too hard, calmly clean up the throw up and leave the room”. What am I, a f***ing Hitler? I feel bad for the non-related to me drunks throwing up at 3am outside the bar. Imagine how I feel about my non-verbal, teary-eyed, “Why are you doing this to me?” BABY.
3. Every book I read has “No cry” or “Easy” in their title, but by chapter 3 I always realize that it is not the case. FYI: Some of us work, so no, I cannot chart every time my daughter rubs her eyes.
4. Only sleep training can make two college educated, smart, patient parents feel like complete powerless idiots.
5. It’s mind bugling to me how anyone can wake up at 5am, never stop moving and still have problems falling asleep at 9pm.
6. I would agree to gain a 100 pounds if in return I will get 8 hours of continuous sleep EVERY night WITH my husband in OUR bed ALONE. Too bad I will no longer fit in that bed.
7. I was scared shitless when I read on internet that some kids still wake up 2-3 times a night at 3, 5, 7 years old. Should have adopted a 16 year old. I heard they sleep till 2pm.
8. I want my money back for every soother, nighttime CD and comfort blanket I bought in the last year. I fell for all of you.
9. When I daydream at work, it’s always the same: nursery on the 3rd Floor of my modest mansion and “Tori and Dean’s” nanny is carrying our girl away for the night as I open a nice bottle of red.
10. Maybe sleep problems is the way to keep this world from being overpopulated, because if we didn’t have them people would have 10-15 kids each.
Please feel free to comment and give me advice or take my daughter for a week and sleep train her.
not sleeping through the night tees
You’re doing great diaper searchers! Here’s #4 – A Brat Packer dad shared a story about his stroller.
Ha, loved this post! I’m pregnant again and really hoping for a boy, completely convinced that girls don’t sleep! (Probably just our defective genetic combo though…).
We have an 18 month old that doesn’t sleep and has an iron will, nothing soothes her, she has never fallen asleep on her own, she fights against sleep each night. She doesn’t nap either, never even slept much as a newborn!
Routines sometimes seem to make it worse since she knows what is coming to prepare, and CIO? Ha, she doesn’t stop crying, after 4.5 hours she falls asleep on her feet, only to fall down and then stand back up to cry! (Embarrassing to admit that we even went that far to try CIO at different ages when we had such horrid results every time, but that is what a year and a half of sleep deprivation will do I guess!).
I am so tired of moms who try to give me advice about sleeping and CIO when they admit that it was hard to listen to their baby cry for “30 minutes” that FIRST night, they are clueless!
Anyway, you are not alone, sadly I’ve already been looking forward to the college years when I may once again be able to sleep… Thanks again!
I want to thank you! I am a new mom of a non-sleeping 6month old. After reading your Top 10 I finally felt normal. I am a very educated person (double masters) and my husband and I waited to have children till I was 35 and we were established. Thinking this would be easy… Each one of your examples was perfect and made me laugh and cry. I wish I would have read it before giving birth. I would have not been so hard on myself. Thanks so again, you don’t know how much you have changed my life. I don’t know if my little peanut will sleep tonight keep your fingers crossed! But at least I know I am not alone and my child is normal. I guess I’m just going to purchase some extra cover up!. Take care and thanks again.