To Make Or Not To Make (Resolutions)
To make or NOT to make (resolutions), THAT is my question this year?!
This article is for moms by the way, b/c if you are not one, (no offense and no discrimination of course) you have like all the time in the world to make and carry out your little list of bettering your life. (That’s what I wanted to say, but will probably delete when it’s time to hand this over to the ‘blogosphere.’) Think of the controversy! But, let’s just think about it for a minute (moms), don’t you feel like you could stay up all day and night for the rest of your life and still not get it all done? It used to not be that way. In fact, in college the more credits I took the better I did in school. Add a part-time job and a social life, and I did even better! Why? Was I better at time-management? Not likely. Half the time we were under-rested, over-stimulated and inebriated. And, now (as a mom) I can multi-task better than ever! I can wipe a tushy with one hand, conduct business with the phone crooked on the other ear, and negotiate in mime with my preschooler. And, talk about sleep deprivation!!!!! So, why is now harder than ever to get it all done? Part of it is recognizing that currently (and likely for the rest of your life as a mother), you are the very last on the totem pole. Oh, I know you don’t like to hear it, and maybe it makes you sad b/c it hasn’t quite sunk in fully yet. Maybe you are still fondly holding onto the days when you and your spouse doted on, well YOU! I know I go there sometimes in my mind….(scene: an exhilarating run in central park, followed by a delicious yoga class, a mouth-watering salad at your favorite café, followed by a spa treatment with your best gal, and then strolling home for a shower and nap before a big night out with your man at your favorite restaurant, followed by SLEEPING IN the next morning…) Mooooooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy WAKE UP, I need breakfast, need to make pee pees, need to watch Backyardigans, no not THAT one, the ‘ding ding’ one….WAKE UP!!!!!!
And, part of it is recognizing that there is no longer such a thing as getting it ALL done. No. Such. Thing. Never was either (non-moms, you may rejoin the blog). It was just an illusion before you had kids too. But if you want my opinion (after all, you got this far in the article), I say you should never give up your enthusiasm and drive to be the best you. There is always a little room to be a better mom, spouse, sister, daughter… You can speak kinder, help someone out without being asked, save a little more of the family dollar, give a little more charity, eat more vegetables, organize your papers etc. If you lose that drive, you may as well stay in bed anyway, right?
What I am saying (I think) is that you should definitely go ahead and write a (short) list of resolutions. Of course! It is part of our culture – it is fun, it’s exciting…daydreaming of the possibilities. BUT, it’s also part of our culture to be excessive, go overboard, dive in and then CRASH at the bottom of the empty pool. So, write long-term goals and take baby steps, please. Lose the notion that it all has to be done by December 31, 2009. Make that your first resolution. And, in one last effort not to be vague here, I will let you all take a peek at my resolutions for the upcoming year. (Sure, don’t mention it).
1. Write 5 long-term goals for this year (not including this one). Break it down into baby steps (i.e. get more specific on another page). Then with an open, forgiving heart start working on each one, slowly.
2. Carve out time each day towards wisely growing my business, doing at least one satisfying, healthy thing just for me, and carefully and mindfully spending quality, present time with my children.
3. Make a budget! Start really (for the first time actually) noting written checks, and jotting down where and when I spend money. They say it works for dieters, maybe my VISA bill will get back to its fighting weight?
4. Try to relax in all situations. Since becoming a mom, I feel that being very organized is a saving grace, MOST of the time. Sometimes, I’d be better off just going with the flow though. Example: Bed time can stretch 15-30 minutes when the laughter is pouring out from the depths of their little souls. A nap can be skipped every so often for good reason. Side note: here is some mom wisdom: I’ve been told that it’s time to lose the nap when you begin cursing at your child. Genius advice that I needed to hear (otherwise I’d still be yelling at my now 5 year old)!
5. Find solo time every day with my husband to hang out, go out, talk and look into each other’s eyes etc. – even if only for a small amount of time. Make ONE night each week though (or more – wait, who am I kidding?) to have a full night together. Even if it’s at home from 8-10 after the kids are asleep (don’t even look at me after 10pm)! Before the girls, we were just a really sweet couple! A big family is nice, but we are still a very sweet (ok, sometimes cranky) couple!
6. Finally, lose the whole martyr role…”Woe is me, I’m the last on the totem pole”…yadda yadda freakin yadda. Well, of course you are, and you signed up for it, dammit! Start looking at this family thing as a pyramid instead of some tribal pole. You live in a house, not a tee pee and you DO get some time for yourself.
Now go start a diet or something, potty train your kid, take up knitting or maybe just take a 5 minute, hot shower with the door locked. Whatever you do, have a happy, healthy new year!
